Grumpy, Over-Tired Eli and Sleep Deprived Dad-oo
For the first time in I don’t know how long, Eli didn’t sleep through the night. Oh man, I can’t tell you how hard it is to go from a full nights sleep (Eli will sleep on average 10-13 hours a night) to broken sleep. Dad-oo was especially grumpy this morning. Until the coffee kicked in that is.
We’re exactly sure what happened, but here’s the story, maybe someone can help us figure it out. Eli went to be around 9, which is a little late for him, but Aunt Lindsey, Uncle Lick Nick and Baby Evie were in town for a visit, so we extended his bedtime. We made a bet on the ride home from Grams’ house whether or not Eli would fall asleep. I am happy to inform you that I won the bet (Eli didn’t fall asleep) and now Dad-oo owes me a sugary coffee from Biggby Coffee. I have to admit, I didn’t really play fair, as I kept taking and singing to Eli all the way home. And we made it just in time. As Dad-oo s-l-o-w-l-y drove down the path to our house, Eli’s eyes were just starting to close. We were about 2 seconds from him falling asleep. I WIN!
Anyway, a quick brusha-brusha complete with the brusha song (which Dad-oo has informed me sounds very much like Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel from South Park), hugs, kisses, and I love you, Eli is off to bed. He fell asleep like any other night, a few tears, then talks to his animals until he falls asleep. And then…it happened.
Around 10:30, Eli wakes up crying. We give him a few minutes to calm down and fall asleep, as is our routine. 15 minutes later, he’s still crying. And saying “ow” and “Momma”. Thinking that his leg is sore from all of the rolling and crawling that he did at Grams’ house, and because he managed to stand up on it once, I went in armed with Motrin. I picked him, he immediately snuggled in, then slurped down the Motrin. I walked, bounced and shushed him for a few minutes, just like in the olden days. Then went to lay him down again. Instant tears, screaming and “ow”. I scooped him back up again and settled in to rock him to sleep. Something I haven’t done it months. And I’m not ashamed to say that I kind of liked it. I miss snuggling with my baby.
A few minutes later, Eli was on his way to sleepy land, but he couldn’t get comfortable, so I went to lay him down again. The same madness started, only this time I was on to him. Let’s recap. Eli cries in his crib, is silent when in momma’s arms, cries in his crib and is silent in momma’s arms. Yup, I’m on to you little one. Now it’s time for you to put yourself to sleep. So I leave my crying toddler, with an aching heart.
Within 5 minutes he’s crying had settled, with a few outbursts here and there, and some asleep withing 15 minutes. We’ve gone through this before, a few months ago, so I know what to expect. Back then Eli tricked us for a few days into thinking that he just wasn’t tired, that he was teething or that something else was wrong. Turned out that he just wanted his momma, and wanted to see how far he could push our boundaries.
I wish I could say that the rest of our night went smoothly. Unfortunately we had a few more crying spells in during the night. The first time he did put himself back to sleep. I barley even remember that time, Dad-oo had to remind me about it in the morning. The second one lasted for at least 1.5 hours (Dad-oo swears that it was 3 hours, but I think he’s exaggerating in his sleep deprivation).When Eli didn’t calm himself down, and actually he seemed to work himself up even more, I went to check on him. Unsure what to do, it’s our policy to not pick him up in the middle of the night unless something is wrong, I stood over his crib, trying to lull him back to sleep. Dad-oo joined me, and gave me to OK to pick him. Instantly Eli was quite. All right little man, you tricked me again. If something was seriously wrong, being picked up would not have stopped the crying. Maybe he had a nightmare, maybe he woke up and just wanted some reassurance that we were still there. It’s so hard to know. So, I put him back in his crib, told him that it was still bedtime and that we loved him, and off I went, hoping that he would calm down.
And he did. Then he started crying again. Then sudden quite, which freaked me out a little and I said to Dad-oo, I almost wish he would whine or something, just so I know he’s OK. And then, crying (There’s your whine said Dad-oo). Lather, rinse and repeat for another 1 hour. I’m not sure what time Eli finally fell asleep, I eventually dozed off after one of his crying spells (which really only lasted for about 5 minutes each time).
I guess the point to this post is that even thought it’s tough, we knew that we had to let Eli calm himself down and fall asleep on his own. We’ve been doing this since he was about 4.5 months old. And it worked for us. If it hadn’t, we would have moved on to something new. Not everyone agrees with this method, and I don’t want to argue over which is the best way to handle this type of situation. We’re not abandoning or ignoring him. If his crying gets louder or doesn’t settle down after 10 or so minutes, we go and check on him, tell him we love him if everything is OK, then head back to bed. Usually that is the end of it. With the rare exception of nights like last night, and it seems that tonight is shaping up to be the same way, Eli sleeps wonderfully. And if he doesn’t sleep well, we stick to our “policy” as best as we can, but obviously forgoing it if something is wrong.
In my 18 months of being a parent, I found that one of the hardest parts is doing what’s best for your child and your family and not letting others make you feel guilty or judge you for how you are raising your kid(s). Everyone’s situation is different and the same methods don’t work for every kiddo. But it’s also important to realize that sometimes it’s really, really, super incredibly hard to do what is right, or to try something new (such as letting your baby cry or talk herself to sleep) when your heart is breaking and you want to sprint to her room, pick her up and rock her to sleep. I think that most of the time, tough love is toughest on the Momma’s.
