As you know, Eli has been sick for the past week. We’re not 100% sure, but it seems that the last time he was treated with antibiotics they were not strong enough, or they were not the right kind, and it didn’t wipe out the bugs floating around in his system. Thanks walk-in doctor for doing a crap job and providing a terrible experience. But, I digress.

So, I was sitting at home on Friday night, Eli had just finished dinner and I was making the rest of the sweet potato pancakes. Eli was content running around like he always does right before bed time (I think he’s trying to convince me that he has so much energy that it can’t possibly be bed time. Nice try kiddo). I’m sitting at my computer trying to catch up on my Mommy Tweeps, and I see Eli out of the corner of my eye, squatting by the breakfast bar saying “butt hurt!” I look at him and his pants and realized that everything he ate had came out the other end. Ewww. But it’s happened before, no big deal. Then, it slowly dawns on that there’s something slippery on the floor next to me. And over by the rug. Oh God. Oh God no. But yes, Eli’s explosion had leaked out of his diaper, out of his pants, and ONTO THE HARDWOOD FLOORS. And to makes even more exciting, the pugs are running around with something and they will not let me near it. It is, of course, also covered in poo. But don’t forget about the pancakes on the stove, which are starting to smell a bit toasty. *sigh* When it rains it really pours.

I scoop Eli up, knowing that by doing this I will soon be covered as well. But there’s really no way around it. So for the time being, I just pretend that it isn’t happened. It’s better that way. First things first, I must get the article of clothing away from the pugs, or it will be spread all over the house. Just the thought is enough to send waves of nausea through me. So much poo, so many places it could go, so hard to sterilize the entire house. After I wrestle it away (it was a glove Eli had pulled out of a drawer earlier that day), throw it in the laundry basket that will soon be making it’s way downstairs, and wrangle the pugs into the kitchen so they don’t step in, and spread around, the mess on the floor, I must attend to the quickly burning pancakes. With no time, and poo quickly spread (at least in my mind it was) I take the pan off the burner, thankfully remember to turn it off, and hope that they are still edible.

With my mind spinning, I high tail it to the bathroom, flip on the water and rush to Eli’s room to disinfect him as much as possible before throwing him in the bath. While I’m busy cleaning Eli off, in the back of my mind it starts to dawn on me that my sock is wet. Huh, that’s strange I think. Oh well, I’ll deal with it later. Ever so slowly, it sinks in. Ewwwww…I stepped in it! I don’t know when it happened, but it did, and I’ve been running through the house with this soggy sock. I pull the sock off, toss it in the laundry basket, and remind my self to wash everything on the hottest temperature possible. Hopefully it will burn away the memory too.

Eli’s cleaned off, at least for the most part, new diaper on, and off we go. While the bath tub continues to fill, the next task is to clean up the mess in the living room. All while holding onto my 24lb toddler, so he doesn’t go running through it, making a bigger mess. The only think in our cupboard that could possible tackle this task is Nature’s Miracle. Sure, it’s not really made for human messes, but I figure it will do the job. And it did.

Then we’re off to the bathtub. Thankfully, this was the most uneventful part of the evening. Which was good, because at this point, I was so tired, so grossed out, and so overwhelmed that one more incident would have sent me screaming over the edge. Eli’s cleaned up, mom is half disrobed running around the house, and Dad-oo finally gets home from his long day at work. I hand an equally exhausted Dad-oo his clean child, spouting out the events that he just missed and basically tell him that I’m done for the night. My brain, and ewww factor, can handle only so much.

But, a few glasses of wine later, a California Kitchen frozen pizza and a few episodes of Weeds, I was feeling much better.